The thought of changing the look of my blog was appealing, so I started today. I'm not sure if it's to the point of perfection yet, but I'm liking it. It has a 'health' feel to it, or at least that's what it makes me think of. I'm trying to surround myself with positive reinforcements and thoughts/ideas that will encourage me to continue making the choices that are best for my health. I have found that this is not an easy task, and its only the first day I've really tried it.
The world is so full of JUNK: Not just food-wise, but activities (or lack there-of), music, games, movies, TV.... All the things that encourage a lazy life are energy consuming, and leaves you feeling even more 'dead', or gross than before. When we are using our bodies and minds for positive things, it is much easier to be motivated, and also to KEEP GOING. Today, for example, I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing. But, as I was looking at some workouts that I could do to target belly fat (not planning on doing them.... just finding them for tomorrow.), I realized how ridiculous it was to NOT do it today! So, I did it. Right then. And then, after I started using my energy instead of just letting it seep away, I became motivated to do things that actually needed to be done.
Not to mention, all of this leads to a healthy lifestyle. Its not about just being healthy for a week, or two months, or just until summer so you can have that bikini body you've always wanted. Its about changing your life, and adding a couple years to it. For your kids, your husband, your friends....yourself (YES! You can workout at make healthy choices for YOU!!! Crazy, I know :P)
I'm thinking of starting a new blog specifically about healthy habits for a healthy lifestyle. I guess this is just practice for that. I want to actually have organized posts that aren't so scatter-brained.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The Stuff Inside
The stuff inside my mind seems to take control of my heart. Its not enough to try and get rid of it once, because it just comes back again and again. A broken record going off in my head, or something like that. The fact that its there proves that so much seems to be going on, and a grain of salt isn't enough to tackle it. These ideas, they roll around, over and over, and consume me at times, unforgiving of their ability to control and discourage.
This may come from a lack of sleep and a very busy yesterday, but its been needing a release. Trying to learn from each adventure, or experience, or whatever I decide to call them, is what my goal is, yet for each step forward I take three steps back, leaving me dancing with these thoughts and fumbling around. This blog kind of shows my train of thought - not that organized, struggling to put thoughts down on the paper.
The accident was taxing enough, both mentally and physically. I wasn't prepared for the mental part, though. It kind of came out of nowhere... I wasn't ready to feel the panic rise up in my chest every time I see another car coming up to a stop sign, or subconsciously grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white every time I'm driving down a road with deep ditches. Even the sight of a gray SUV can bring back the memory. By the time I've made it to my destination, I am mentally drained.
Josh and I together found a new route to school. It's about ten minutes longer, but it doesn't require as much energy, and the attacks of panic and confusion have no room to strike.
These are the things that still occur, but I know that God is bigger than these thoughts, and is maybe trying to use them to help teach me and mold me into the person He knows me to be. I have enjoyed being at school, meeting new people, and seeing the people in my life really support me and show love to me. I have gained confidence in myself since I've been taking my piano class. I really enjoy playing, and now that I am playing keys for The Following:, I can sing, which I am finding I also enjoy doing. Josh and I can practice together at home pretty easily, and I can practice while Aurelia is sleeping, which makes band practices less stressful.
This is a lot of random stuff, and its how my brain has been functioning. I think the not sleeping so well is catching up with me. There are so many decisions to make, and so many thoughts to think, and so many places to go...so much depended on the gray SUV. I want to be back in a place where I can do all those things without these underlying issues to play a part. But I know that healing takes time, and I still have miles to go before I sleep.
I know that God has plans for my life, and all things that have happened in it. I continually try to give this ALL up to Him. Its just good to get it out of my head once in a while. I really enjoyed yesterday -- being at school and making friends, and then practicing with the band. I am not trying to be negative, just real about what happens in my brain sometimes. I think that this whole experience is drawing me closer to God, which I need right now. I know that He is the ONLY one that I truly need, and He places people in my life to guide me in my walk with Him.
I think I'm done being random and confusing. I am very excited for Aurelia's nap time today. For today, it will be mom's nap time as well :)
This may come from a lack of sleep and a very busy yesterday, but its been needing a release. Trying to learn from each adventure, or experience, or whatever I decide to call them, is what my goal is, yet for each step forward I take three steps back, leaving me dancing with these thoughts and fumbling around. This blog kind of shows my train of thought - not that organized, struggling to put thoughts down on the paper.
The accident was taxing enough, both mentally and physically. I wasn't prepared for the mental part, though. It kind of came out of nowhere... I wasn't ready to feel the panic rise up in my chest every time I see another car coming up to a stop sign, or subconsciously grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white every time I'm driving down a road with deep ditches. Even the sight of a gray SUV can bring back the memory. By the time I've made it to my destination, I am mentally drained.
Josh and I together found a new route to school. It's about ten minutes longer, but it doesn't require as much energy, and the attacks of panic and confusion have no room to strike.
These are the things that still occur, but I know that God is bigger than these thoughts, and is maybe trying to use them to help teach me and mold me into the person He knows me to be. I have enjoyed being at school, meeting new people, and seeing the people in my life really support me and show love to me. I have gained confidence in myself since I've been taking my piano class. I really enjoy playing, and now that I am playing keys for The Following:, I can sing, which I am finding I also enjoy doing. Josh and I can practice together at home pretty easily, and I can practice while Aurelia is sleeping, which makes band practices less stressful.
This is a lot of random stuff, and its how my brain has been functioning. I think the not sleeping so well is catching up with me. There are so many decisions to make, and so many thoughts to think, and so many places to go...so much depended on the gray SUV. I want to be back in a place where I can do all those things without these underlying issues to play a part. But I know that healing takes time, and I still have miles to go before I sleep.
I know that God has plans for my life, and all things that have happened in it. I continually try to give this ALL up to Him. Its just good to get it out of my head once in a while. I really enjoyed yesterday -- being at school and making friends, and then practicing with the band. I am not trying to be negative, just real about what happens in my brain sometimes. I think that this whole experience is drawing me closer to God, which I need right now. I know that He is the ONLY one that I truly need, and He places people in my life to guide me in my walk with Him.
I think I'm done being random and confusing. I am very excited for Aurelia's nap time today. For today, it will be mom's nap time as well :)
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