Change in Heart

Being thrown into the working world once again has proved challenging and rewarding for this working Mama. I've already had lots of ups and downs, and the reality that both Josh and I have to be working in order to pay the bills can sometimes be overwhelming, especially on the most difficult days at work. But even through the miry clay, I know and trust that I'm not in charge. Christ has a plan for my life, and even if I can't see it, I'd much rather let Him be in charge of it.

For starters, I've tried to take charge before, to no avail. Take in my current job at Green Acres, for example. I got sucked in to a negative vibe somehow, and because I started thinking about what was best for myself, I started forgetting about who was really in charge. My whole focus was turned away from caring for my residents and my co-workers, and was instead turned toward all the difficult and 'bad' things about my job situation.

Thankfully, on a certain day, my boss called me out on it, and I heard her. Through all the negative that seemed to be surrounding me, something stuck with what she said. So I tried to pull myself up out of the mire. And then came my 3 month evaluation.

I was so nervous to go into that little office with my boss, where I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about the whole work place, and all the things I thought that she could do better. Well, thankfully, God put a stop to that, and I went in with a humble heart, telling her of the way my attitude had been so horrible lately. While I didn't 'fail' my evaluation, I left the office with a new understanding for my boss, and the Boss, Christ the King. I was humbled, to tears, and had my eyes opened again to see others the way Christ sees them.

Since then, I have once again found the joy in my job, even though it can still be hard. The crazy thing? A lot of the things that I whined and complained about still happen. But I don't let them consume me. It is a classic example of how our hearts can harden when we focus on the negative, but just as easily, our hearts can become soft and warm when we focus on the positive.

While I feel like all Josh and I do is work these days, I am thankful for the work that God has given me to do, and I pray that with a new heart and a new attitude, I can make the most out of the days I have at Green Acres. Having a negative attitude at work as well as being surrounded by it didn't just effect me at work -- it affected my family, my self esteem, the residents, and pretty much anyone that was around me. A good attitude is infectious, and I want to infect people. Let's be the light, instead of be the light hindrance.