A New Me... Or Something

I feel like a lot had changed in my life in the last two and a half years... Started dating my first boyfriend, first kiss, got engaged, got married, moved out of state, moved back to MI, got pregnant, had a baby.... yeah, its been two and a half pretty epic years... :P

In the midst of all that, I joined weight watchers and lost about 16 pounds, and lets be honest, I gained so much confidence in myself with that weight off! Well, I gained it all back when we moved to Painesville, and then getting pregnant added some extra weight on top of that. I was pretty self conscious during pregnancy, and while I lost 30 of the 40 I gained after Aurelia was born, I still carry that extra weight. And now you are probably wondering why I am telling you this, because this kind of information is usually pretty personal stuff, and I would never usually share this on a public blog. On the internet. Where ANYONE can read it.

I've been watching the NBC show "The Biggest Loser" lately. If you've never seen it, it is a pretty inspiring show where 22 very obese people come together and lose weight. They have personal trainers, and while many people think that their diet is handed to them, they actually cook and make their own meals and snacks. Anyway, the last nine contestants alone have lost over 1,000 lbs in about 15 weeks.

This motivated me. These obese people stand up in a sports bra and spandex shorts in front of America and get weighed on a HUGE scale. I guess that is one way to get accountability! This is why I am writing this. From here on out, I would like to try and give you weekly updates, revealing it all.. eating habits, weight losses and gains, frustrations... everything! My goals are within sight, and I want you all to be able to hold me accountable for my actions, so that I can get to said goals! Just by typing this blog, it holds me accountable because now you all know my secrets! :) I will also include pictures throughout this whole process, to show progress!

So here are the facts:

CURRENT WEIGHT: 183 (just before I had Aurelia, I was 213!)

GOALS: First Goal: Pre-pregnancy weight (173 lbs)

Here are a few starting photos of myself...The top on is my trying to be all dramatic like the people on the weight loss info commercials... It was fun :P

This is Your Brain in Love by D. Earl Henslin

In this book, Dr. Henslin explains his research on how the brain works in love. He takes love to a scientific level by exploring the different regions of the brain and how each area affects the way we love. According to the Dr., there are "five brain imbalances that effect a person's ability to be the best partner he or she can possibly be in a marriage". The book breaks each of the five (The Scattered Lover, the over-focused lover, the blue mood lover, the Agitated lover, and the ancious lover) down and explains not only what makes a person a certain type of lover, but also what that person and their spouse can do to help make changes to correct the imbalance. Each chapter starts with a small quiz for the reader to take, to see which lover category they fall into.

While this book was not my normal choice of book to read, I enjoyed learning more about the brain and how its imbalances can affect love and relationships. I enjoyed taking the quizzes to see which type of lover I am, as well as having my husband take them to see which type he falls into. Upon choosing the book to review, I believe it to be more about physical love. I was surprised when I started reading about different parts of the brain and how each affects the way you emotionally love someone.

I think that this book was full of interesting information, and if you are curious to see what type of lover you are, or are looking for a way to make your marriage stronger, this would be a book to consider reading -- It will help you to understand the way you love and need to be loved, and if your spouse is willing to read it with you, you can work through both of your love types together :)

A New Beginning

I can' believe that Aurelia is six weeks already. It is amazing how fast this last month has gone by! As she continues to grow, I continue to realize the significance of her in our lives.

First of all, I couldn't even imagine our life without our beautiful daughter now.... It just wouldn't seem right. Second of all, I wouldn't want to. The presence of Aurelia has made me strive to be a better person: She has helped me to learn patience and a selfless love, to see beauty in things where beauty is hard to find (example: I never thought I'd see the day where I celebrated a dirty diaper, but after three days of no poopy diapers, it is the most beautiful thing!), to take care of myself.... the list goes on and on. But one of the biggest impacts she has had on me is how she has changed my heart, and my purpose for life.

It used to be that I was just living life with no real purpose or direction. I was serving God, or doing my best to do so, and just going with the flow. For the first time in my life, I have a direction, and that is to REALLY serve. I've always heard stories from friends and strangers alike about how God had 'broken their hearts' for a certain type of people... poor people, teens, AIDS sufferers... but I hadn't really ever felt a true calling to help any certain type of people, in any certain place. (Many friends have had a calling to pursue certain careers as a way of serving Gods people as well) I just felt like I was wandering through life not really knowing where I would end up. Then, God decides to tell me to marry Josh (I was okay with it... I found him to be pretty cute :P)

That was challenge 1. Then we got pregnant, which became challenge 2. Josh has always had a passion for overseas missions, and while I found that enticing, I wouldn't say I was ever passionate about it. Until challenge 3 came about -- parenting the child that was growing inside of me. And thats when it happened. Taking care of Aurelia opened my eyes... This child is totally dependent on Josh and I... especially on me... I have what she needs to survive -- food!

Around week two of Aurelia being here with us, she had to go on formula, to get rid of the jaundice, and since I was trying to nurse, I ended up having to pump for the week so I wouldn't lose the milk. Well, I didn't do the best job pumping ( I didn't think I had to stay on her feeding schedule in order to maintain a steady supply of milk) and that led to me producing less milk.

The next week was when God truly opened my eyes... I went to nurse and couldn't produce enough milk for my baby to get full! Not being able to provide for my precious child was one of THE worst feelings I had ever had, even though I knew that I could just hop in the van and get some formula from WalMart if it was absolutely necessary. But even worse than that feeling was the one that I had in my heart for all those women in other countries who cannot provide for their children not because they are bad moms, but because they don't have the means. God broke my heart for these women who struggled daily just to keep themselves and their children alive. And thats when I realized it.

This is what I am supposed to do. This is my passion -- to help women and children survive, whether is it providing clean water, or food, or shelter, or just loving them -- this is what I should be doing with my life. And suddenly, two passions arose in me like a wild fire: Overseas missions to help women and children any way I could.

My life now has more than one purpose: To help these women and children somehow, and to raise my daughter in such a way that will show her just how big this world is. To raise her knowing that God will provide, and that all we have to do to make a difference is to answer the calling from Him. No matter what He asks us to do, He will provide everything we need.

These are just a few of my thoughts, and they are a bit jumbled. I will save the rest for a later date :) I am loving life right now, and I couldn't be more happy. Being a mom has changed my outlook on everything, and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Praise God for my beautiful daughter!

7 whole ounces :D

Aurelia has been doing well this past week :D At the doctor, she weighed in at 7 lbs, 6oz, which is great! She hasn't seemed to be a very fussy baby, but since we don't have anything to compare her to, I guess I am not sure. It is exciting to see her start to grow -- She is starting to look around more (Its so cute when her little eyes cross from trying to focus!) and she is staying awake during the day a little more. She is also starting to make cute little baby noises!

Josh and I are doing pretty well, and I feel like we are getting more sleep, for the most part. While we have had some rough moments due to stress and lack of sleep/mis-communication, we are doing our best to take everything to God and to not get frustrated at each other over silly things (Its a good thing Josh is patient and loves me... I tend to be pretty emotional post-pregnancy!)
In the hospital, I had to watch three videos before they would let me leave.. one on breast feeding, one on Shaken Baby Syndrome, and one on postpartum depression. Before I had Aurie, I figured it was a real thing to have to think about, but didn't think that I would have to deal with it. Well, it has definitely been something I am struggling with, and it is a bigger deal than I thought. The good thing is that my relationship with God is at its strongest point these days, and I know that I couldn't get through the tough moments without Him! Satan likes to use my weak moments to pressure me into old habits, and in those moments, I see the love of God more strongly than ever :) It is definitely a major battle at times, but God is good, and so are the people in my life. I just have to remember to let them in.

Gracie is doing well... she seems to like it here, which is good, because we really enjoy having her around! She is such a good cat, and its nice to have someone to cuddle with when Josh is having his 'Daddy time' with Aurelia. She had a swollen gland thing in her neck when we got her, and that has pretty much gone down completely. The only thing we are working on getting healed are the sores on her face, which she keeps scratching at and making bleed... I think they would go away if she just let them heal, but she keeps scratching it because it is itching...

Cold Weather

Last night, Aurie got to go to her very first sporting event... we went to the Girls Cass City Basketball game last night :) The Varsity team won, but we didn't make it for any of the JV game. We got to see some girls from the Cass City Missionary Church youth group as well, and they invited us to come watch their production they have coming up in March.

Aurie seems to be doing well, for the most part. She had a WIC appointment last night, and she weighed 6 lbs 15 oz, which isn't the best, considering she is supposed to be gaining weight, but I think it is from all the spitting up/puking she has been doing lately. I am hoping that the doctor doesn't put her on formula today.. that stuff is smelly! Other than that, she is doing well.

The last few nights, she has been pretty fussy at night, leaving Josh and I pretty tired out. We couldn't figure out why she was fussing, until this morning when Josh came to wake me up... I went into the living room and it was SO COLD! The thermostat read 64 degrees! I think Aurie was having a hard time getting to sleep because she was too cold. (She would sleep fine if she slept on Josh, but she wouldn't stay in her bassinet... which makes sense now :P)

The back of our house is a lot warmer than the front of our house, because of the big window in living room, so we moved Aurie in there, and she is sleeping much more peacefully now, thankfully! I can't wait until it starts to warm up, just for the sake of our sleeping :P

I am getting pretty ready to start working out feeling more in shape than I am now, but I know that I am still healing and probably shouldn't anything too strenuous. I was shocked yesterday at the appointment when they weighed me and I was close to 30 pounds lighter than I was the week before I had Aurelia... That was SUPER encouraging! I know that it will be difficult to lose weight and get into shape, but I have a lot motivating me: I want Aurelia to know what it means to be healthy and to have healthy habits; I want her to know that it may take work (especially if she gets more of mom's metabolism), but it is worth it; I want to be able to run around and play with her as she becomes active; I have a wonderful, supportive husband who I can't wait to be able to keep up with when we hike or run or whatever it is that we will be doing!; God is a pretty big motivator as well... my body is a temple, and I can do His work much more efficiently if I am healthy!

It is a lot easier blogging when I have something exciting to blog about :)

Aurelia's day out

Sunday was a big day for Aurelia as her and I finally ventured out of the house for more than a couple of hours. I was very excited to see people again at church... it had seemed like forever since I had been there! And of course, everyone adored Aurelia.. and she did very well while Pastor Len was speaking.. she slept the whole time :) On the first Sunday of every month, a couple puts together a pancake breakfast before Sunday School and church, and a small number of people come, so it was nice to get there a bit early and already be there when the crowds came in... it was less overwhelming for all three of us :)

Sunday evening we decided to head to our evening service (which Pastor Len made a bit shorter for sake of the 'big game') and then we went over to Cass City to hang out with the Cass City Missionary Church youth group at their Super Bowl party. It was a pretty good time with lots of good food! Aurelia didn't get bothered so much because the teens didn't really want to hold her, so she ate and then went right to sleep, and slept until we got home.

Over all, it was a pretty good Sunday!

The first week...

It has been a little over a week now since we have had Aurelia with us, and it has probably been one of the longest weeks I can remember. It was filled with overwhelming joy, frustration, irritability, sleep deprivation, but most of all, lots of love.

When people say that the first week is the worst and the hardest week of having a baby, I think I could agree, now that I have been through it. Josh and I have had our world turned upside down, but God has been good in working through it with us. We have been surrounded by wonderful people, and our families have been nothing but helpful!

It is amazing to me all the emotions that I felt from hour to hour... Aurie and I were having some troubles nursing, which was the hardest part for me, but we are slowly learning together, and it has been a wonderful experience. I have learned patience in a whole new way, having this tiny baby relying on me to give her food and to take care of her. It is so wonderful, and scary at the same time!

Sleeping hasn't been too bad, I don't think... Josh and I take shifts sleeping on the couch with Aurie in her bouncer... she seems to sleep much better in that than in her bassinet right now. It also gives each of us a more peaceful couple hours of sleep, which is still very much needed at this point :P

Josh has been wonderful to Aurie and I! He is such a wonderful Daddy, and I believe that having Aurie is helping us to become closer to each other. It is also bringing us closer to God, which has been so renewing for myself. I am so thankful for both Aurelia and my wonderful husband -- they have both helped me to grow spiritually and emotionally (and thanks to Aurelia, physically, too :P), and I know that I have been so blessed!

Praise God for our wonderful little family :) I can't wait to see what he has in store for us!

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear"

Ephesians 4:29

This is our memory verse for this week... It is a good reminder for me, and one verse that I need to remember, because I know that I am not always the best at following it.