Thinking About the Past

I can't believe that it has been eight months since I gave birth to Aurelia! It is crazy how fast time really flies by. It has definitely been making me think about a lot of things...
I guess the past has been on my mind a lot lately: people who have influenced my life and walk with Christ, how I got to where I am today, and who I was vs. who I am now.

First of all, today in church, a friend came up to me and told me how awesome it is that I have a great relationship with my mom. All she sees of my mom is her comments and things on my Facebook page. It really made me think about me and my mom. My mom - despite all the times that we fight and disagree, and get mad at each other - has always been there for me, and will always love me. She is always a friend and always willing to listen. Sometimes I like to do things on my own, and she knows (and we are learning) that I need to do things on my own first, to see if I can. Then when I find out I can't, I ask for help. I can always count on her to be there, no matter how much we disagree on a subject. Thanks, Mom :)

And then I was thinking about my first year in college, and how Dani Lauer and Katie Bennett were such an influence in my life. I didn't want to join a small group at first, but then at the Thursday gathering when all the leaders were introduced, I got pumped for it. So I did, and got put with them. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was so blessed, and they helped me work through my cutting issue, which was starting to take over my life. They will forever be a HUGE part of my story, and how lucky was I to get to live with BOTH of them the next year! I love you girls :)

Another person that came to mind was Tony Boscarino. I didn't really know Tony all that well, but he was a leader/on staff at His House, and God really used Tony's talents to impact my life. Tony was leading worship the first time I was brave enough to check out a Thursday gathering, and I never knew worship could be so fun, or deep. I admit I was a little weirded out, because of the hand raising and contemporary feel, but something about the music drew me in. I wanted to find a relationship with God that these people had, that the worship leader had. That night Tony sang "Amazing Grace", and it was the first time I realized the meaning of the song. God really worked in my life that night.
There were also a few times that I went to Tony for prayer (not many, because I usually went to people I knew a little better, like Dani or Katie) because I just felt God telling my to have him pray for me. The few times I did, Tony seemed to know exactly what to pray, even though he had no idea what was going on in my life. And all three times he prayed for fear to not run my life; for me to not be timid in my faith. That definitely wasn't a coincidence, because it was always what I needed prayer for. Again, God was using Tony to draw me closer. I am so thankful that Tony was willing to do God's work :)

And then there's Josh Hill. I don't even know where to start with how he has impacted my life. I was pretty bad at hiding my attraction to him early on; my roommates read right through me and decided that I would end up married to him before I even really knew him very well/hung out with him. Josh was the guy I always saw around campus. He was always willing to walk with you just to keep you company. He was like that with all people, so I tried to not have feelings for him, but I did want to get to know him and be his friend. That tactic worked for a while, until he started having feelings for me too :) Anyway, even before we dated, Josh seemed to always have my back. I remember one day, I was really struggling with life, and he found me sitting on a bench on campus, listening to music, and he sat and asked what was going on. He convinced me to go to class, but I wouldn't tell him anything. He emailed me to ask me if I was okay, and then a little later in the day, I saw him again, and he asked what was up. It was driving me crazy that he wouldn't go away. But God knew I needed him there. He came over that night, and just sat with me in the prayer room while I struggled with things, and he listened, and it was comforting.

And then I got to marry him. His love for Christ has grown even stronger, I think, and his dedication to God and the Word is just awesome. I learn from him every day. Even though our marriage isn't perfect, and we don't always agree on things, I am learning how to love him through everything, the way Christ loves us. I am learning to love him with an unconditional love, and with a love not based on feelings. I couldn't imagine living life without him, and I love growing in Christ with him.

A few other people that I thank God for in my life are the Sapienza's: Melissa and Tony. In high school, when she should have given me a detention for being VERY disrespectful and rude to her, Melissa decided to ask what was going on. And although I didn't know how to even talk to anyone at that time, just knowing that an adult cared and could see that something was going on was such a comfort. Looking back, I wish I would have given in and talked to her about the cutting and the pain I was feeling, but like I said, just knowing she cared was enough. Also, she didn't write me up for all the times I wasn't in class :P

Dave Shephard is another one: Dave was the first Christian that I met at college, and he was my drum major. I was SUPER intimidated by him, and I can't believe that I had the courage to ask him about church at His House. I was also super confused when he talked about it on Saturday of band camp. He kept talking about His House, but not his house, the His House his house, the Men's House. I was really confused :P I look back now and see that God gave me the courage to ask him about church. And also, I can't believe that Dave Shephard ever intimidated me! He's one of the coolest bald guys I know ;)

Okay, this is getting pretty lengthy, so this is the last group. Matt Moore, Bonnie Rae Walter and Steve Evans. FCA really helped me find myself, or at least made me think about who I really was becoming. Bonnie was such a positive person and influence, even at 7:30 in the morning :) She loved me, and thats what I needed my senior year. Steve really go an earful one night at the FCA retreat at SpringHill, and I am grateful he listened. I had a lot on my mind, and he really helped me sort through it. That was a long night, but a good night, because its the night I chose to really start living my life for God. Steve read Romans 8:38-39, and it hit me that nothing I had done made Christ love me any less. And I think Matt just decided to listen to me as well, which started our friendship going. He really helped me through my senior year as well as my freshman year at college, and being a part of his "street crew" really gave me a sense of meaning. Matt was and still is a role model to me in that he loves God, is pursuing his dream of being a musician, is a great dad and husband, and had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that Matt was put in my life, and its pretty neat to know someone famous ;)

So, its a bit lengthy, but it's what had been on my mind lately. I praise God for the people who he put placed in my path, and I pray that I can be Godly influences like many of these people have been to me.