Should I Trot?

In college, when I got sick, I think I actually took advantage to it, because I didn't really have responsibilities and I could just let my profs know I was sick and then not worry about anything until I got better. Now things are a lot different; being sick brings on a plethora of frustrations: not wanting to get the baby sick, not having energy to clean or workout, not being able to go to practices and/or games. And sleep is hard because the kitten is crying or the baby is crying or if they are both sleeping, everything I can't do is swimming around in my head, keeping me awake!

Whew. Okay, I got that off of my chest. The good news is that Mucinex helps with the coughing and hacking, and helps me to feel a tad more human. Also, Marvin is the cutest kitten ever, and loves to play with Aurelia, which makes me feel better that she has a playmate when I don't want to get too close to her to share my germs.

So here's the REAL issue: I haven't been able to do much physical activity this week since my body is tired and I have a hard time breathing, but the Turkey Trot is in a couple weeks here in Kingston! Should I still do it? I would love to be able to do not one, but two 5K runs this year, but I'm not sure if I could be ready for it. Also, Josh wouldn't be able to do it with me because it would be the morning he gets home from the lock-in... I am not sure what I should do! I used to have a turkey trot sweatshirt that I got from GoodWill. I never thought I would be contemplating on actually running one myself :P

In other news, we've had a pretty good week, although busy. Volleyball is going pretty well... I think the girls are ready to be done with volleyball season, so as coaches, it is our job to keep them pumped up, which is difficult, especially with teenage girls. But I really enjoy coaching them; they are all great kids! The 8th grade coach told her girls that if they win the rest of their games, she would dye her hair purple... I hope they win them all!!!!! :P

Fall Colors

It never ceases to amaze me every year, the beauty God creates in the fall. I will be driving to the store, or to a meeting, and I will be overcome with such joy and amazement at the majestic beauty of it all... the deep reds, vibrant oranges, bright yellows. I can't even explain the feeling I get sometimes... Its like an excitement so true that all I can do is gasp, and try to stay on the road (because usually I am driving :P) I gasp, and thank God for such brilliance. He could have just let summer turn brown and bland before the snow fell, but He chose to paint His canvas with succulent colors.

I sometimes wish it could be fall all the time, but I think I wouldn't appreciate the magnificence of the season then. Fall always seems to be a time of refocus for me -- God really makes me stop and think about just how Great and Amazing and Big He is. I could be outside for hours on end in the cool fall breeze, with the colorful leaves surrounding me, maybe drinking a hot cocoa :) With my Bible and journal, it makes for the greatest time of reflection, prayer, and time with My Father!


What do you think about the fall?

Thinking about Thinking IV

I was looking through old notes today from Facebook, and realized how much I enjoy writing. I was also noticing the responses to my writing, and then wondered why I stopped writing. I went through a pretty big writing phase my freshman year of college, and it's what really got me through the tough times. I think that it is something I should start again, because it was fun for me, and seemed to benefit others as well.

I started a series called thinking about thinking. Usually they were just free writes about whatever was on my mind. If you want to read them, you still can, because they are all still up under my notes on my Facebook page. So I decided to start that back up again, and here is number 6. Its a bit of a different style, but change is good :)

Speaking of change, a lot has happened in the last three/four years... move to MP, start college, get baptized, meet a boy, get my first boyfriend, first kiss, engagement, marriage, move in together, move to OH, move back, have a baby, marriage, be a mom, coach volleyball... whew! I never thought that this is where I'd be today, but alas, this is where I find myself: a small rinkie-dink town that no one has ever heard of serving Jesus and teaching teens about Him. But it always makes me wonder, what are my old friends up to? Where are they now? Are they still following Jesus? Do they remember me? The girls I coach were trying to guess my age. They thought I was 26. That was a lot younger than the 8th graders thought I was... 28-34... I thought to myself, man, I'm only 22 and feel like life is flying right by me! I can't imagine what I'll feel like at 34.

What are we doing with our lives, anyway, are we serving the one true God or serving ourselves? The time we have on this earth is so precious and so limited, do we spend it watching TV and playing games on the computer? Or maybe we are always texting. Thats not much of a way to live, if you ask me. I admit that I spend way too much time on FB, and I am working on it, I think. But I want to live an exciting life, helping people learn more about God and giving all the glory to Him! Watching joy spread across the face of people who are so thankful for a warm meal, or a place to sleep.

What will you be doing when Jesus comes back? Texting your friends from your couch? Watching TV? Wasting time? That question gets me every time I ask myself that. I don't want to be on Facebook when Jesus comes back!!! I want to be glorifying Him when He comes back! Serving, reading, teaching, praying, seeking...

Life changes when you have a baby, and my life got way better. I don't know what I would do without that beautiful little girl in my life every day. I know that God can take her from me whenever He sees it necessary, so I am going to use all the time I have with her to love her, and build her up in Christ, so that she can go out and serve others and love others the way jesus did. I couldn't imagine my life without her! Every sleepless night, frustrating day and puked on outfit is worth the joy that she brings into my life. There is no greater joy to me here on earth than seeing her playing and figuring out how to do things, and getting so excited when she does! I look into her face and see the image of God staring back at me, eyes so expectant, and full of love and admiration. She loves me, although. :)

I have a lot on my mind and kind of just want to keep typing. I was also aiming for more of a creative write, but that didn't happen tonight. Just gotta go with the flow :) I am going to leave you with a video that is awesome from a very talented band, Tenth Avenue North :)

Three Days...

Today has been the third day in a row that I have worked out, and it is good. I am sore right now, but I am trying to push through it, and not let it be an excuse to quit. When I want to quit, I just think of being able to run with Aurelia and play with her as she grows up, and enjoy being young with her.

Speaking of Aurelia, she has been pretty fussy today, for her. She did NOT want to take a nap earlier today, and everything has been kind of a challenge today. I think she just doesn't feel very well, or maybe is tired of being sick. She has started to crawl now, and it brings me joy to watch her do it :P She has a weird, army like pull going on, and she also goes up on her sides to gain momentum to pull herself forward. :) I think she likes being more mobile, and is still frustrated that she cant move faster.

We have a volleyball game tonight at CPS, and I hope that we do well. The eighth grade has a great practice yesterday, and were setting up the ball pretty well, so I hope that they can keep doing that and win tonight!

I'm pretty tired, so I hope to stay awake and alert tonight. I also am praying for patience with the girls and wisdom to lead them in a Godly way. It is a privilege to work with these girls, and I hope to really use the time I am given with them :)

Feeling the Blues

Well, its been a crazy summer. I am quite amazed that it went by so quickly, but I am excited for this fall and winter. It should be a great time of building relationships, watching Aurelia grow, and having some fun. It also WILL be a time of weight loss.

This summer, I reached my goal of running a 5k without stopping, and it was an awesome feeling, being able to accomplish that. Now, it is time to get serious. It is time to actually start losing the weight that I put on during pregnancy. My goal is to lose at least 10 pounds in the next month. Hopefully it is more than that, but I plan on starting slowly. Josh is going to help me actually workout and make sure I am doing it everyday. And Jillian Michaels will be kicking my butt as well :) I hope to borrow the thirty day shred from a friend as well, so I hope that I can lose this baby weight once and for all!

In other news, coaching volleyball is a lot of fun. I enjoy working with the girls as well as the coaches! It was a surprise when I found out I was working with Sarah Squires, because we both attended His House at CMU. It is definitely a small world though, when we both end up in the tiny village of Kingston, MI :P

I think thats about it right now. Just wanted to say, I am going to actually become determined now, to lose weight.

Thinking About the Past

I can't believe that it has been eight months since I gave birth to Aurelia! It is crazy how fast time really flies by. It has definitely been making me think about a lot of things...
I guess the past has been on my mind a lot lately: people who have influenced my life and walk with Christ, how I got to where I am today, and who I was vs. who I am now.

First of all, today in church, a friend came up to me and told me how awesome it is that I have a great relationship with my mom. All she sees of my mom is her comments and things on my Facebook page. It really made me think about me and my mom. My mom - despite all the times that we fight and disagree, and get mad at each other - has always been there for me, and will always love me. She is always a friend and always willing to listen. Sometimes I like to do things on my own, and she knows (and we are learning) that I need to do things on my own first, to see if I can. Then when I find out I can't, I ask for help. I can always count on her to be there, no matter how much we disagree on a subject. Thanks, Mom :)

And then I was thinking about my first year in college, and how Dani Lauer and Katie Bennett were such an influence in my life. I didn't want to join a small group at first, but then at the Thursday gathering when all the leaders were introduced, I got pumped for it. So I did, and got put with them. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was so blessed, and they helped me work through my cutting issue, which was starting to take over my life. They will forever be a HUGE part of my story, and how lucky was I to get to live with BOTH of them the next year! I love you girls :)

Another person that came to mind was Tony Boscarino. I didn't really know Tony all that well, but he was a leader/on staff at His House, and God really used Tony's talents to impact my life. Tony was leading worship the first time I was brave enough to check out a Thursday gathering, and I never knew worship could be so fun, or deep. I admit I was a little weirded out, because of the hand raising and contemporary feel, but something about the music drew me in. I wanted to find a relationship with God that these people had, that the worship leader had. That night Tony sang "Amazing Grace", and it was the first time I realized the meaning of the song. God really worked in my life that night.
There were also a few times that I went to Tony for prayer (not many, because I usually went to people I knew a little better, like Dani or Katie) because I just felt God telling my to have him pray for me. The few times I did, Tony seemed to know exactly what to pray, even though he had no idea what was going on in my life. And all three times he prayed for fear to not run my life; for me to not be timid in my faith. That definitely wasn't a coincidence, because it was always what I needed prayer for. Again, God was using Tony to draw me closer. I am so thankful that Tony was willing to do God's work :)

And then there's Josh Hill. I don't even know where to start with how he has impacted my life. I was pretty bad at hiding my attraction to him early on; my roommates read right through me and decided that I would end up married to him before I even really knew him very well/hung out with him. Josh was the guy I always saw around campus. He was always willing to walk with you just to keep you company. He was like that with all people, so I tried to not have feelings for him, but I did want to get to know him and be his friend. That tactic worked for a while, until he started having feelings for me too :) Anyway, even before we dated, Josh seemed to always have my back. I remember one day, I was really struggling with life, and he found me sitting on a bench on campus, listening to music, and he sat and asked what was going on. He convinced me to go to class, but I wouldn't tell him anything. He emailed me to ask me if I was okay, and then a little later in the day, I saw him again, and he asked what was up. It was driving me crazy that he wouldn't go away. But God knew I needed him there. He came over that night, and just sat with me in the prayer room while I struggled with things, and he listened, and it was comforting.

And then I got to marry him. His love for Christ has grown even stronger, I think, and his dedication to God and the Word is just awesome. I learn from him every day. Even though our marriage isn't perfect, and we don't always agree on things, I am learning how to love him through everything, the way Christ loves us. I am learning to love him with an unconditional love, and with a love not based on feelings. I couldn't imagine living life without him, and I love growing in Christ with him.

A few other people that I thank God for in my life are the Sapienza's: Melissa and Tony. In high school, when she should have given me a detention for being VERY disrespectful and rude to her, Melissa decided to ask what was going on. And although I didn't know how to even talk to anyone at that time, just knowing that an adult cared and could see that something was going on was such a comfort. Looking back, I wish I would have given in and talked to her about the cutting and the pain I was feeling, but like I said, just knowing she cared was enough. Also, she didn't write me up for all the times I wasn't in class :P

Dave Shephard is another one: Dave was the first Christian that I met at college, and he was my drum major. I was SUPER intimidated by him, and I can't believe that I had the courage to ask him about church at His House. I was also super confused when he talked about it on Saturday of band camp. He kept talking about His House, but not his house, the His House his house, the Men's House. I was really confused :P I look back now and see that God gave me the courage to ask him about church. And also, I can't believe that Dave Shephard ever intimidated me! He's one of the coolest bald guys I know ;)

Okay, this is getting pretty lengthy, so this is the last group. Matt Moore, Bonnie Rae Walter and Steve Evans. FCA really helped me find myself, or at least made me think about who I really was becoming. Bonnie was such a positive person and influence, even at 7:30 in the morning :) She loved me, and thats what I needed my senior year. Steve really go an earful one night at the FCA retreat at SpringHill, and I am grateful he listened. I had a lot on my mind, and he really helped me sort through it. That was a long night, but a good night, because its the night I chose to really start living my life for God. Steve read Romans 8:38-39, and it hit me that nothing I had done made Christ love me any less. And I think Matt just decided to listen to me as well, which started our friendship going. He really helped me through my senior year as well as my freshman year at college, and being a part of his "street crew" really gave me a sense of meaning. Matt was and still is a role model to me in that he loves God, is pursuing his dream of being a musician, is a great dad and husband, and had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that Matt was put in my life, and its pretty neat to know someone famous ;)

So, its a bit lengthy, but it's what had been on my mind lately. I praise God for the people who he put placed in my path, and I pray that I can be Godly influences like many of these people have been to me.

Inspiration from a great God

First of all, I just read Kelsey's blog about Waffles [the cat and the food] and it made me hungry for waffles. I haven't had a waffle in quite a long time!

Well, things seem to be getting easier. Hmm, let me take that back... Not so much easier, just less stressful. Josh and I are really working on our relationship, and we are doing it together, and it has really been a great experience. It has really opened my eyes to what a Godly relationship should be. We aren't there quite yet, but we are definitely closer than we've ever been. It has been a humbling experience, and I am thankful for a husband who is willing to work with me and grow and change and learn. I thought that I knew how to be married, but God is showing me that there is more to it than I thought, and like I said, it is quite humbling.

Last night I was especially feeling overwhelmed with all the change that is happening. Even positive change can be hard work. So this morning, when I went out to put a letter in the mailbox, I walked out and saw the most AMAZING rainbow I have ever seen. It was a complete bow, from one end to the other, and it was so vibrant! I ran in to get Josh so he could see it :) It came right when I needed it. God uses a rainbow in Genesis to promise not to flood the whole earth again. I saw that rainbow as a promise from God, and it really made my heart and mind still. A visual reminder that God is always here and keeps His promises is a great way to keep trucking through the storm.


Today started off great, and I am determined and encouraged to keep working on things not only in our marriage, but also to keep working on myself... I did a Jillian Michaels workout this morning, and on Tuesday I started doing Weight Watchers on my own. I am happy to say that I am finally out of that plateau I was at and am starting to lose weight! Also, the running has helped me to lose inches in my thighs, which is SUPER great :) Most importantly, I am starting to feel healthy again.