Thinking About the Past

I can't believe that it has been eight months since I gave birth to Aurelia! It is crazy how fast time really flies by. It has definitely been making me think about a lot of things...
I guess the past has been on my mind a lot lately: people who have influenced my life and walk with Christ, how I got to where I am today, and who I was vs. who I am now.

First of all, today in church, a friend came up to me and told me how awesome it is that I have a great relationship with my mom. All she sees of my mom is her comments and things on my Facebook page. It really made me think about me and my mom. My mom - despite all the times that we fight and disagree, and get mad at each other - has always been there for me, and will always love me. She is always a friend and always willing to listen. Sometimes I like to do things on my own, and she knows (and we are learning) that I need to do things on my own first, to see if I can. Then when I find out I can't, I ask for help. I can always count on her to be there, no matter how much we disagree on a subject. Thanks, Mom :)

And then I was thinking about my first year in college, and how Dani Lauer and Katie Bennett were such an influence in my life. I didn't want to join a small group at first, but then at the Thursday gathering when all the leaders were introduced, I got pumped for it. So I did, and got put with them. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was so blessed, and they helped me work through my cutting issue, which was starting to take over my life. They will forever be a HUGE part of my story, and how lucky was I to get to live with BOTH of them the next year! I love you girls :)

Another person that came to mind was Tony Boscarino. I didn't really know Tony all that well, but he was a leader/on staff at His House, and God really used Tony's talents to impact my life. Tony was leading worship the first time I was brave enough to check out a Thursday gathering, and I never knew worship could be so fun, or deep. I admit I was a little weirded out, because of the hand raising and contemporary feel, but something about the music drew me in. I wanted to find a relationship with God that these people had, that the worship leader had. That night Tony sang "Amazing Grace", and it was the first time I realized the meaning of the song. God really worked in my life that night.
There were also a few times that I went to Tony for prayer (not many, because I usually went to people I knew a little better, like Dani or Katie) because I just felt God telling my to have him pray for me. The few times I did, Tony seemed to know exactly what to pray, even though he had no idea what was going on in my life. And all three times he prayed for fear to not run my life; for me to not be timid in my faith. That definitely wasn't a coincidence, because it was always what I needed prayer for. Again, God was using Tony to draw me closer. I am so thankful that Tony was willing to do God's work :)

And then there's Josh Hill. I don't even know where to start with how he has impacted my life. I was pretty bad at hiding my attraction to him early on; my roommates read right through me and decided that I would end up married to him before I even really knew him very well/hung out with him. Josh was the guy I always saw around campus. He was always willing to walk with you just to keep you company. He was like that with all people, so I tried to not have feelings for him, but I did want to get to know him and be his friend. That tactic worked for a while, until he started having feelings for me too :) Anyway, even before we dated, Josh seemed to always have my back. I remember one day, I was really struggling with life, and he found me sitting on a bench on campus, listening to music, and he sat and asked what was going on. He convinced me to go to class, but I wouldn't tell him anything. He emailed me to ask me if I was okay, and then a little later in the day, I saw him again, and he asked what was up. It was driving me crazy that he wouldn't go away. But God knew I needed him there. He came over that night, and just sat with me in the prayer room while I struggled with things, and he listened, and it was comforting.

And then I got to marry him. His love for Christ has grown even stronger, I think, and his dedication to God and the Word is just awesome. I learn from him every day. Even though our marriage isn't perfect, and we don't always agree on things, I am learning how to love him through everything, the way Christ loves us. I am learning to love him with an unconditional love, and with a love not based on feelings. I couldn't imagine living life without him, and I love growing in Christ with him.

A few other people that I thank God for in my life are the Sapienza's: Melissa and Tony. In high school, when she should have given me a detention for being VERY disrespectful and rude to her, Melissa decided to ask what was going on. And although I didn't know how to even talk to anyone at that time, just knowing that an adult cared and could see that something was going on was such a comfort. Looking back, I wish I would have given in and talked to her about the cutting and the pain I was feeling, but like I said, just knowing she cared was enough. Also, she didn't write me up for all the times I wasn't in class :P

Dave Shephard is another one: Dave was the first Christian that I met at college, and he was my drum major. I was SUPER intimidated by him, and I can't believe that I had the courage to ask him about church at His House. I was also super confused when he talked about it on Saturday of band camp. He kept talking about His House, but not his house, the His House his house, the Men's House. I was really confused :P I look back now and see that God gave me the courage to ask him about church. And also, I can't believe that Dave Shephard ever intimidated me! He's one of the coolest bald guys I know ;)

Okay, this is getting pretty lengthy, so this is the last group. Matt Moore, Bonnie Rae Walter and Steve Evans. FCA really helped me find myself, or at least made me think about who I really was becoming. Bonnie was such a positive person and influence, even at 7:30 in the morning :) She loved me, and thats what I needed my senior year. Steve really go an earful one night at the FCA retreat at SpringHill, and I am grateful he listened. I had a lot on my mind, and he really helped me sort through it. That was a long night, but a good night, because its the night I chose to really start living my life for God. Steve read Romans 8:38-39, and it hit me that nothing I had done made Christ love me any less. And I think Matt just decided to listen to me as well, which started our friendship going. He really helped me through my senior year as well as my freshman year at college, and being a part of his "street crew" really gave me a sense of meaning. Matt was and still is a role model to me in that he loves God, is pursuing his dream of being a musician, is a great dad and husband, and had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that Matt was put in my life, and its pretty neat to know someone famous ;)

So, its a bit lengthy, but it's what had been on my mind lately. I praise God for the people who he put placed in my path, and I pray that I can be Godly influences like many of these people have been to me.

Inspiration from a great God

First of all, I just read Kelsey's blog about Waffles [the cat and the food] and it made me hungry for waffles. I haven't had a waffle in quite a long time!

Well, things seem to be getting easier. Hmm, let me take that back... Not so much easier, just less stressful. Josh and I are really working on our relationship, and we are doing it together, and it has really been a great experience. It has really opened my eyes to what a Godly relationship should be. We aren't there quite yet, but we are definitely closer than we've ever been. It has been a humbling experience, and I am thankful for a husband who is willing to work with me and grow and change and learn. I thought that I knew how to be married, but God is showing me that there is more to it than I thought, and like I said, it is quite humbling.

Last night I was especially feeling overwhelmed with all the change that is happening. Even positive change can be hard work. So this morning, when I went out to put a letter in the mailbox, I walked out and saw the most AMAZING rainbow I have ever seen. It was a complete bow, from one end to the other, and it was so vibrant! I ran in to get Josh so he could see it :) It came right when I needed it. God uses a rainbow in Genesis to promise not to flood the whole earth again. I saw that rainbow as a promise from God, and it really made my heart and mind still. A visual reminder that God is always here and keeps His promises is a great way to keep trucking through the storm.


Today started off great, and I am determined and encouraged to keep working on things not only in our marriage, but also to keep working on myself... I did a Jillian Michaels workout this morning, and on Tuesday I started doing Weight Watchers on my own. I am happy to say that I am finally out of that plateau I was at and am starting to lose weight! Also, the running has helped me to lose inches in my thighs, which is SUPER great :) Most importantly, I am starting to feel healthy again.

Lazy Brain

That's what I think I have when it comes to running now that I accomplished my goal. It's a bad disease, really. I think it has consumed me for the last few days. But there is more to it than that. Excuses, Excuses!

So, this morning, I actually got up at a little after Aurelia and took a shower and got semi ready for the day. And then Aurelia went back to bed, and I was tired. So Josh motivated me into getting my lazy bum off the couch and going for a run. It was the hardest run I've had since I started running! I think it was more like I was flailing down the street instead of running, and if you can picture that, I am sure you got a good laugh. I think I had turned my mental motivation off and the result was super bad form and flailing.

So, in short, I am going to turn my motivation back on. I am also starting to sleep better, I think, because the stress level in life seems to be slowly but surely going down. And I have God to thank for that :)

A Vegetarian 5K

Well, the wonderful Kingston Days were this weekend, and it was an interesting time, to be sure. The church sponsored the inflatables on Saturday, and they seemed to be a big hit for the kids. It seemed as though the burnouts were a big thing as well, although I will be honest and say I didn't quite understand the purpose of it, nor did I enjoy it. The next big thing was the football game, which was the start of the Varsity's football season and a celebration of 60 years of Kingston Football. Thankfully, Kingston won 60-0.

Our garage sale didn't do as well as I would have liked it to do, and we still have a ton of stuff, but we made about $164, which I am happy about. If you need anything baby, we have new bottles, a boppy pillow, some newborn/3-6 months clothes and some other stuff. Let me know, and you can have it :P I did enjoy visiting with neighbors and friends who were walking down to the festivities. Some of them bought some things too, because they were hanging out and chatting with us.

The best part for me, though, was definitely the 5K that kicked off the weekend on Thursday night. As many of you know, my goal was to run a 5K by the end of the summer without stopping to walk. I heard about the Kingston Days run, and figured it would be a great time to run, because the starting line was right down the road, at our church! I decided to do it, even though I was exhausted, and I was very pleased with the outcome. I had a good time doing it, for the most part, and I was so happy that I accomplished my goal!
The best part is that not only did I accomplish my goal of not stopping, I wasn't the last runner and I finished under 37 minutes. My finishing time was 36:58. That is a little over three 12 minute miles, and I was super happy with that, because the last time I ran three miles, it was around 37 minutes, maybe a little over. Oh yeah, and I also received a medal! (It was a small race :P)


So, I need to make sure I am getting out and running as much as I can before it starts to get to cold to do it, and I always feel better when I do. And now I really know that I can, so no excuses :P

Also, you didn't have to be a vegetarian to run the race, but Josh and I have decided to try and cut meat from our diet for the time being. It has been interesting so far, and last night, the dish we made was actually quite tasty. We are only doing it for a change of pace and for a different type of diet... We are also not being super strict about it, so if we come over to your house for dinner, don't worry about having no meat. We will probably eat some if you make it! Our goal is to do it more at home, and then eat small amounts if necessary or available.

Please keep us in your prayers. God is working in our lives right now, and while He is making us stronger, it can be a difficult process.

Awesome Girls Weekend :)

So, I am back to the normal grind of life after an awesome experience in Indianapolis at the Women of Faith Conference :) Thanks to Booksneeze and Thomas Nelson publishers, my friend and I were able to get tickets for free. With free tickets and free lodging (thanks to my friend's father), we were able to have an awesome weekend for super cheap.

As I said in my blog before I went to the conference, I was a little bit unsure about being around 7000 women at a conference with mostly all women speakers. To be honest, I didnt think I could handle all that estrogen! But after the first speaker, Sheila Walsh, spoke, I realized that this would be just what I needed.

The line up was incredible. Women like Sheila Walsh, Angie Smith, Nicole Johnson and Lisa Harper who were not afraid to be themselves and be open with us, woman to woman. I had come expecting these women to be somewhat fake and tell me that I'm beautiful, can do anything I set my mind to, and that would be that... The same ol' same ol, but I got a totally different experience!



These women not only shared their personal testimonies, but they also lavished us in their knowledge of the Bible, taking stories and teaching them in a way that made me feel connected to the people of the Bible. They also made me look at these peoples' lives in a totally different way, and I realized that they weren't so much different than I am.

Also, they did let a male speaker in, and I am very glad that they did. Dr. Henry Cloud opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking, and helped me to realize that things I have been feeling or thinking weren't just me being crazy or delusional. I have forgotten who I am, and the conference really helped me to realize that I can't just let that go, that I have to be proud of that person and not let people make me into something I am not.

Overall, I think that the conference helped to re-establish my hope in God; that no matter what I'm going through, or where I am at, that God is not too big for any of it, and He is here through the fiercest storms. I just have to listen and look. I am so very thankful for the speakers at the conference, and for BookSneeze for giving me this opportunity to find hope again. I was so close to the breaking point, and this conference came at just the right time in my storm.

I hope to have pictures up soon from the conference. We didn't get many, but we got a few, and hopefully they show our great time that we had!



Thanks to Booksneeze and Thomas Nelson Publishing for this awesome experience!

Women of Faith Conference 2011

So, thanks to booksneeze.com, I have the privilege of going to Indianapolis this weekend to attend the 2011 Women of Faith Conference. I am not exactly sure what it will be like, but from what I read on the internet, it is a lot of women coming together in a big field house to praise God, listen to speakers, and have their faith rejuvenated.

I entered to win tickets a while back and then kind of forgot about it, until I got an email from Booksneeze saying I'd been chosen to attend. They gave me two tickets to the conference plus lunch for each day. I think that it will be a good time with a close friend, some much needed girl time, and a great break from the everyday life of changing diapers and cleaning up spit up. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE spending each day with my beautiful baby, but every mom needs a break sometime!) Another great part is we only have to pay for gas and minimal foodage, because my friend's father got us some free nights at a hotel with his frequent hoteler points.... or whatever they are called :P

So here's to a good trip and a time of growth and worship... I will be blogging about my experience when we get home on Sunday, so you can read all about it to see if you want to go next year :)

Thunder Dog

The True Story of a Blind Man, His Guide Dog, and the Triumph of Trust at Ground Zero


A story of inspiration and excitement, this book is a great read from the beginning to the end. Michael Hingson and Suzy Flory tell of Michael's decent from the 78th floor of the North Tower of the World Trade Center after a plane crashed into it on September 11, 2001. The book is not only about Michael's decent, but it also tells the story of his life growing up blind. Hingson's main point of the book is to raise an awareness for people who are blind. Hingson talks of how being blind is not a disability and how the blind are capable of doing almost everything that the seeing can do.

The book also includes extra things such as a dictionary of "blind words" and resources to learn more about the blind. I enjoyed learning more about the blind community as well as all the technology that is available to help blind people participate in everyday things. I also enjoyed learning more about seeing eye dogs and the amazing work that they do. I would suggest this book for dog lovers, people interested about what happened on 9/11, or people interested about the blind community. Over all, it was a good read that was also educational.

I received this book for free from booksneeze.com.